THE BIG FAT INDIAN WEDDING- SHAADI BARBAADI!

Hello Males and Maals ;)


How have you been?  Did you recently thank God for my disappearance?  *tch tch* Ever heard of the phrase- Haste makes waste! Sorry, but I am back :)
Wedding in the family kept me busy. No, I am not a 'vella' otherwise! I, being the elder 'bahu' of the khandaan, was overloaded with responsibilities. Err....No, I did not goof up :D


Weddings in Delhi are a GRAND affair. Trust me, it would put all the Bollywood movies  to shame including "Hum aapke hain kaun"  which completely revolved around a wedding!
Wedding in my family is no less. You think I had fun!?! Ghanta!!

These few days were only about food, parties, mehendi, dance, shopping, parlour sessions, guests, gifts from guests, more dance and more and more food! And the after affects are loose motions and sore legs :(  But amazing fun it was!!


One more thing about weddings are sharing of rooms. Because of unlimited guests, rooms are sacrificed by the family members for the comfort of guest. Luckily, I was spared!


But something happened!  :O


                               SEXUAL  ASSAULT  :O


Relax!!! There is no need to panic! 
When I said I didn't have to share my room with the guests, I refused. Out of courtesy, baba! I mean, its rude when everyone is doing the same and you are acting as a VIP. So I decided to sleep with the maals.
But my man was unaware of this change. He slept early that night. Around midnight, he started feeling cold. Instead of switching the AC off, he started to snatch the blanket. Tried thrice but failed! 
In the end, he just entered that blanket.
Inside the blanket, he heard a scream. It belonged to my brother-in-law :D. 
He was shocked not to see me there. Next morning, he was charged for an attempt to rape :D.
And the perfect song for the situation- "Bed pe soya tha behnoi, main tanne samajh ke so gaya, mujko rani ji maaf karna, galti mahre se ho gaya :D"


As I said earlier, weddings are a grand affair. The venue of the wedding was a farmhouse. Because the wedding was in the open, we decided to book two vanity vans, just in case if there were shortage of rooms.
Something happened there also!


                            ALMOST KIDNAPPED :O


It was around 2 in the midnight. My man decides to take a small nap. He enters the van. But the small nap turned out to be a "Kumbhakaran's sleep".
He wakes up because of some movement. He is shocked to see that the van is moving! On approaching the driver, he too was shocked to see someone in the van! 
The thing is the van was booked for 12 hours. After its schedule was over, the van decided to leave. But took my man along :(
Poor guy (I mean the driver) had to come back and drop my man to the marriage venue!


Well, this is something that took place in this wedding. Now something about my wedding :) :D


                              STEALING THE SHOES!


My wedding was the first wedding in my family. Everyone decided to have loads and loads of fun. My siblings and cousins were busy making different kinds of plans.
Now let me tell you something! All my brothers and sisters are naughty, VERY naughty. (I heard you! They are exactly like me.) They did live up to their plans. 
They added salt in the ice-cream, added stone in the pan, coins in laddus, and what not! Same stuff you see in movies took place over there. 
It was time to steal the groom's shoes. On seeing the smartness of my siblings, they acted smart and mixed groom's shoes with everyone else's. But, my siblings stole everyone else's shoes too :D (whoever was present there!)
They could not digest the fact that we were smart than them. Out of revenge, they stole my sandals!
Not only this, they chose the vanity van to hide it! When I was called for "pheras", I said I couldn't go. Everyone was SHOCKED! I told them that my sandals were stolen. When the thieves (groom's friends and siblings) were asked to bring them, they found that the van has left the venue :O.
The van was called back again and the "pheras" were delayed for two good hours! :D


There are many such incidents, but some other time about them. May be, the day when you are bestowed with the power of bearing me :D
Still let me share one more incident. (Last! Pukka wala promise :D)


                        EARLY MORNING'S FIRST POOP :P


Don't go with the name! Its not as dirty as you think it to be. This incident took place after my marriage, the day I had to cook my first meal. I decided to make Chinese.  One of the dishes I cooked was 'Chilly paneer'. I was expecting lots of compliments (specially from my man) as I happen to be a good cook :D. But-


MAN- Is there any way these spring onions can come out of chilly paneer?
ME-  *blank expression*
MAN- I don't like spring onions!
ME-
Inside my head-
                                    Come in the room bacchu, You will cry without onions!


Walking away and muttering under my breath-
                                                                                                      Koi baat nahi! Kal subah apne aap nikal jayega!  (Don't worry! Tomorrow early morning, it will come out on its own!)


The sentence I was muttering under my breath was heard by one and all :/
And one and all includes around 30 elder ones of my family! :O


My family still reminds me of this! :| Awesome wala impression I made over there of "Nayi naweli dulhan"! But I was relieved when I found that everyone was laughing with their hands on their stomach and water in their eyes *phew*! 


P.S.  I am really very sorry for this long gap and even more sorry for not commenting on your posts! *Holding both my ears and doing sit-ups*  I tried to take out time and read and comment also. But still, no excuses! I am sorry.

P.P.S. Until you are bestowed with the power of bearing with me, please try to bear with me (without those powers) :D