ABOUT ME :/

I have been tagged for the first time! Yay!! You know, while I was reading  this post from  Visha, I was wondering and hoping to get tagged. Confused D was written on the list of names but I was so confused that I clicked on it to verify if it was my blog or someone else's  :/  So, here I am with my tag. Thank you  Visha :)

There were some rules which Visha said was alright if not followed. But in short, it is about informing the world how crazy you are and answering few questions that fellow blogger has asked :)

So eleven things about me are -:

1) My name is CD. It stands for Confused D. It is because I have many 'official' names! Whenever a person asks, "Beta, what's your name?" My answer is, "Wait, I'll ask mom!"

By the time I reach mom for an answer, the background of my mind plays -'What's my name! What's MY NAME?!? WHAT'S MY NAME?????? shielaaaa...........Shiela ki jawani......I'm too sexy for you :D.....main tere haath na aani!!'  No, I am not exaggerating. This actually happens!

2) I cannot fall asleep until someone pats me to sleep. My man does that religiously EVERY-SINGLE-NIGHT! And if he is out on a tour, I pat myself to sleep :D

3) If the patting doesn't put me to sleep, I start playing antakshri. No, not with my man! I play it with myself. You see.....I have many names, no! I divide myself in two teams and start singing. No, I am not talking about singing songs in my heart. I actually sing them aloud! Then   there are a set of rules which, if not followed leads to argument between the teams. No, I DO NOT NEED A SHRINK!!!! So this antakshari followed with an argument makes me tired and that is when I fall asleep!


4) I feel earthquake tremors a lot, like a LOOOOOTTTTT!!!!! All the time, I have this feeling that the earth below me is shaking. No, its not because of my dancing!  Twice, it so happened that there were real tremors and I did not react thinking them to be my imagination!


5) Because of the earthquake tremors, my man falls from the bed EVERY-SINGLE-NIGHT :D What the hell, You think I push him from the bed!?! Huh!! Yes, I dance when I am asleep but my man falls because of the tremors.


6) I get very weird dreams. My blog posts are nothing when compared to those dreams. I have the habit of noting down every dream in a diary. hThis post of mine narrates one of my dream.


7) I faint at the thought of writing poetry! If I am asked to make an attempt, all I would write is- Cat met a rat,
      They had awesome sex, 
      on the mat.
I used the word 'awesome sex' here so that people don't misunderstand it to be written by a three month baby.


8) Although I am a girl, I still can keep secrets for ever and hate gossiping! Once my grandmom (who happens to be a lady Hitler) was sharing someone's secret with me and other  members. I freaked out on her saying that, "Can't anyone trust you with their secrets!"  My family still reminds me of this bravery act of mine!


9) I am a ball magnet. Give your non-vegetarian mind a bit of rest. I mean football, basketball, tennis ball, cricket ball and all balls available in the store near you. Wherever I am,  if someone happens to play with a ball around, it will automatically come to me! My man is  scared to watch cricket and football matches on television with me! If the ball attraction increases even one more percent, I am sure they would break my television screen and come and land on my lap!


10) I love my books, laptop, camera, cell phone, iPod, balloons(vegetarian balloons) and all my gadgets a LOT. I cannot share these with anyone! You ask for it and I will say a straight NO! I might give the book but will want it back immediately! If not returned in few days, I will spam your inbox, facebook wall with the 'Return book immediately' message! (I know balloon is not a gadget but I just LOOOVVVEEEE balloons. If you see any kid crying because someone has stolen his/her balloon, the thief could be me :D)


11) I cannot lie. No, its not that I consider it a bad habit, its just that I am a bad liar. I am given instructions, things-to-say are told beforehand, I prepare myself mentally but when the time to talk comes, Ijustblurtoutthetruth! So, whenever situations demands a lie, I keep my mouth SHUT! In fact, that is the only time when I am quiet :D


      Haashh!!! Finally done! You know, I can go on and on and on! But I am sure after reading this you must be thinking, "she is dangerous to mankind. She should not move freely on the roads!" But trust me, people around me did try to put me in the nearest mental hospital. But as soon as the Agra Mental Hospital people found that I was coming, they shut it down! Huh!


Now the 11 questions-:


1) Early riser or a late sleeper - Both actually. Late sleeper because of my sleeping habits I mentioned above and early riser because there is a rule at my place that every 'BAHU' is supposed to come out of their rooms before 7. And yes, they cannot step out without a bath! Typical Marwari family!


2) Holiday on a beach or a mountain - Holiday on a beach. I don't mind if anyone sponsors my holiday :D


3)List the cities you have lived in so far - A city in Nepal (I was born there) then Vijayawada, Rajahmundry and now Delhi. These are the places where I spent more than five years of my life. I can list few more places but they come under five category.


4) What kind of music do you like - Acoustic music, unplugged and sufi.


5) How many BFFs do you have - Three.


6) Last movie you saw - Kahani. Everyone is giving the same answer for this question!


7) Name of your first school - Arniko Boarding School.


8) What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word 'first love' - If not fulfilled, make it your password :D Kidding. But there are too many to list- A kids smile, winters, food, my man, balloons.......Its a never ending list  :)


9) What is the first thing you notice when you go to a restaurant - Ambience.


10) List the most inspiring bloggers to you - Everyone in this blogging world. Trust me, I mean it! They are the only reason I started blogging. 


11) Blogging to you is - Free means to read from awesome writers and you can also let them know how you feel about it :) Blogging is only about reading. I just can't write. I am learning to write.


Okay...I am done. I plan to tag my fellow bloggers also. I know after reading this stuff, its a bit  difficult but still, bear with me :)

1OOO1 WAYS TO GET YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND :) ;) :D

Oh no! I am not trying to garner any kind of attention. I am just trying to give few genuine tips to all the single guys in the world on how to get himself a nice, sweet, sexy, intelligent and a hard to get girlfriend. So, MUST READ FOR MEN! 

And about girls, we are always curious about anything and everything! So obviously, we SHALL read :)

So all you desperate single guys over there- Here begins the road to mingle ;)

1) Tell her you are a Tushaar Kapoor, Himesh Reshamiya, Justin Beiber and Rebacca Black's fan. She is running away for ever!

2) Tell her you read Twilight, loved it and Robert Pattinson happens to be your role model. Next thing she is doing is introducing you to all her single friends who happen to be male.

3) Do not write a love letter! Its sweet but DON'T do it and do it ONLY if you have learnt calligraphy. I say this because most of the men (No offence to those guys who write well, I do not mean typing! I am talking about using a pen and a paper!) their handwriting is more than a disaster! Show it to a ill man and he will surely get a heart attack! 

                          

                           I asked my man to note down an address. He handed me a piece of paper. I threw it as I saw VERY tiny, small black ants moving in a zig-zag manner in that bit of paper. When I noticed it carefully, I found out that they were not ants. It was the address which my man noted on that bit of paper! Yes, this happens when men attempt to write something! Sometimes the colour of ant changes from red to blue to black. Different colours of pen, you see. He was lucky that I found about his handwriting after marriage!

4) Give her compliments but be frank. It doesn't mean that you ask her if her display picture was photo shopped! 

5) If you are meeting her for the first time or if she is meeting you for the first time, do not tell her "Hey! I know you. I stalked you on Facebook! Do you wanna make fraaandship!"

6) If she asks you out, do not tell her "Let me ask my mom!" No 'mummy se poochna over here'.

7) Do not misguide and buy a pack of balloons for yourself after reading point 6. Its a trap. The day of that 'so called DATE' happens to be on the day of India-Pakistan match!

8) Do not start weird conversations. For example-

            

              Boy- Are you American?

              Girl- No.

              Boy- Are you American??

              Girl- No!

              Boy- Are you American???

              Girl- NOOOO!!!

              Boy- Are you American????

              Girl- YES!

              Boy- Wow! You don't look like one!

9) Do not dedicate her songs like 'Auntyji....Auntyji.....Get up and dance'

10) One small story before this point. (Bear with me!) 

     

                    There was a girl who got married when she was 18.     Her man thought she was a kid and played 'High school musical series' for her. Don't even ask what must have happened that night!

                                           So the point No. 10 is- We are bad girls who never get caught! We watch 'High school musical' only with moms :D and for God's sake, WE DON'T WATCH HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL !

P.S. I did not misguide anyone! I wanted to write about few tips to get a NICE, SWEET, SINGLE, SEXY AND A HARD TO GET GIRL! Such girls don't exist and if they do, they obviously are hard to get! 

P.P.S. The title says 10001  WAYS TO GET YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND. I listed down only 10 ways which won't get you a girlfriend. The other points not mentioned over here happen to be the rest '10001' points and I am totally clueless about them!

P.P.P.S. The courtesy of point no.10 goes to my man. He is hiding his face in shame :D 

P.P.P.P.S. Bear with me :)

LOVE SEX AUR DHOKHA......DARLING

Love Sex aur DHOKHA....DARLING
LOVE Sex aur Dhokha........
LOVE SEX aur Dhokha.......DARLING
LOVE SEX AUR DHOKHA!!!! (remember my habit of completing the song while writing also???)


LOVE is                                      ...........................................

SEX is                                         awesome ;) :P :D

DHOKHA is                               what just happened with you *buddhu banaya, bada mazza aaya*

DARLING                                  all my followers and fellow bloggers :)

This post has nothing to do with either love, sex or dhokha! Just an old way of getting attention! I am sure you all must have watched this movie because of its name value. Now read this post also.

MAN is                                      advanced, modern and latest version of MONKEY. Yes, you heard me right. (No offence to monkeys.)

WOMAN is                               ask men ;)

INVISIBLE is                           Anil Kapoor's chest.

ANIL KAPOOR is                   advanced, modern and latest version of a bear.

SONAM KAPOOR is              irritating and a fat frog turned into a princess.

ELEPHANT is                         Mr. Ram Kapoor of 'bade acche lagte ho'. No offence to Mr. Elephant.

FACEBOOK is                         sasta, sunder and tikau (cheap, beautiful and best) means of stalking your current and ex girlfriend/boyfriend without the fear of being caught.

ORKUT is                                 place where you stalked and always got caught and then dumped.

GIRL is                                     one who screws you and your life and you are still smiling!

LIFE is                                      about moving on :)

GAY is                                       definitely not a married man!

HUSBAND is                          whose hasi (smile) is always band!

MAID is                                   important than husband! There should be 'karva chauth vrath' for maids also.

DAILY SOAP is                     only means that remind us that our life is not that bad.

REALITY SHOW is              like politician. All they do is show a glimpse of themselves, ask votes and enjoy with our money for rest of their life with a smile on their face which turns out to be longer than Deepika Padukone's legs. No, really!

DEEPIKA PADUKONE      No comment. My male readers might take offence.

CD is                                       not an old version of DVD. Its my name, Confused D.

Confused is                            my condition when someone asks my name. Confusion sucks but confused people ROCK.

ROCK is                                 pather  (stone). Girls ROCK and Boys PATHER!!

A FLYING TITANIC is       Kingfisher Airlines!!

THREE GOLDEN WORDS             

  Let's get naked. I love you :)

MYTH                                    A way to man's heart is through his stomach.
FACT                                      A way to man's heart is below his stomach.

HOW DO GIRLS INCREASE THEIR WEIGHT??????

                                                Everytime they open their mouth to talk!

HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT?????????????????????????

                                                 *blank* *still blank*  *losing my hair because of thinking too much* I am giving up now. Continue talking!


Everything written above was not bullshit! It just proved that 'Man is a social animal'. Sometimes a monkey, at times elephant and bear and frogs also!

Apart from this bullshit, I have one more shit news to share. SUPERRRNICKKK!!!!  recently awarded me with the 'OVERLORD AWARD'. Yay!!!! Why???? I don't know! I did not bribe him! Sacchi, bread pakode ki kasam.

There are certain rules with this award. As they say, WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITIES. But I am being a bit selfish here. I would like to keep this award for few days and the responsibility would be fulfilled in the next post. Please bear with me, atleast till then. I might just award you :D :P :) :)

P.S.             Love is not a dash or a blank space. It has different meaning for different people.  Example is 'best way to have free sex without the trouble of getting married'  best feeling ever! Leave your opinion in the comments section.

P.P.S.        Only roses will be accepted. Guns, stones, abuses, rotten tomatoes, eggs(I am a vegetarian) will be ignored. So, don't even bother yourself! Spread love :)